There are so many challenges when one is multiple. We have two very different needs by two very different alters that desperately need to be filled. The needs of Julie Girl and Jewel, to be able to express the innocent and care free personalities they have with as little censorship as possible and the needs of Rachel, to engage in behaviors and experiences that fill the primal need she always has within her. As far as we have been able to understand, Rachel was created to take in the 'pleasurable' sensations that were created when we were harmed as a child.
When a child is sexualized at as early an age as we were, the body develops a craving for the sensations that are being forced upon it. Our mind created Rachel to hold and experience those sensations when we were very young. Sexual acts are more than a shared moment between us and the other person. The specific type of intimacy will fill the needs of a specific alter. Some of those alters need soft and gentle. Rachel is not one of those. She craves the "violence", the crazy power exchange and all of the weird that goes with it. We used to be mortified and embarrassed by what she needs. The very idea was repulsive to the stronger of us and we rejected it as an idea years ago. It is taking time and much soul searching to learn to come to terms with this aspect of us as a whole. We can only function one day at a time. We are choosing to allow all of the committee to express their needs within our sacred space and when appropriate within different communities that can fulfill our needs.
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